Airplane!

• "Listen Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again!"

• "What a pisser."

• "Nervous?"
  "Yes."
  "First time?"
  "No, I've been nervous lots of times."

• "Give me Hamm on five, hold the Mayo"

• "We have clearance, Clarence."
  "Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?"

• "Would you like something to read?"
  "Do you have anything light?"
  "Uhh... how about this leaflet, Famous Jewish Sports Legends?"

• "My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow, we're bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 18:00 hours. We're coming in from the North, below their radar."
  "When will you be back?"
  "I can't tell you that. It's classified."

• "Do you want me to check the weather, Clarence?"
  "No, why don't you take care of it."

• "Joey, did ya ever hang around a gymnasium?"

• "But just remember, my name is ROGER MURDOCK. I'm an airline pilot."-Roger Murdock
  "I think you're the greatest, but my dad says you don't work hard enough on defense. And he says that lots of times, you don't even run down court. And that you don't really try... except during the playoffs."-Joey
  "The hell I don't!! ( grabs Joey by collar ) LISTEN KID! I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes."-Roger Murdock

(Note: Roger Murdock is played by Kareem Abdul-Jabbar )

• "Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?"

• "Mostly, I remember the nights when we were together. I remember how you used to hold me and... how I used to sit on your face and wiggle and..."

• "You got a telegram from headquarters today."
  "HEADQUARTERS?!? What is it?"
  "Well, its a big building where generals meet. But that's not important right now."

• "Oh... its my stomach. I haven't felt this awful since we saw that Ronald Reagan film. uhh"

• "Joey... have you ever been in a, a Turkish prison?"

• "You'd better tell the Captain we've got to land as soon as possible, we've got to get them to the hospital..."
  "A hospital.. what is it?"
  "It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now."

• "Captain, how soon can you land?"
  "I can't tell."
  "You can tell me, I'm a doctor."
  "No, I mean I'm just not sure."
  "Well, can't you take a guess?"
  "Well, not for another two hours."
  "You can't take a guess for another two hours?"

• "What was it we had for dinner tonight?"
  "Well, we had a choice, steak or fish."
  "Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna."

• "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking."

• "I want the best available man on this, a man who knows that plane inside and out and won't crack under pressure."
  "How 'bout Mr. Rogers?"

• "Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can you face a few unpleasant facts?"
  "No."

• "Ladies and gentleman, this is your stewardess speaking. We regret any inconvenience the sudden cabin movement might have caused this is due to periodic airpockets we encountered. There's no reason to be alarmed and we hope you enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"

• "Stewardess? I speak jive!"

• "Airport management, the FAA and the airlines. They're all cheats and liars. Alright, lets get outta here."

• "Excuse me sir, there's been a little problem in the cockpit..."
  "The cockpit... what is it?"
  "It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilots sit, but that's not important now."

• "Surely you can't be serious?"
  "I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!"

• "What flying experience have you had?"
  "I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether."
  (all together) "It's an entirely different kind of flying."

• "MAYDAY? What the hell does that mean?"
  "Mayday? Why that's the Russian New Year. You know, we'll have a big parade, we'll serve hot hors d'oevres..."

• "I know but this guy has no flying experience at'all. He's a menace to himself and everything else in the air... yes, birds too."

• "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking."

• "Alright, Striker, you listen, and listen close. Flying a plane is no different from riding a bicycle; it's just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes."

• "How's it handling?"
  "Sluggish, like a wet sponge."

• "Its a damn good thing he doesn't know how much I hate his guts."

• "Cut me som' slac' jak! Chump don' wan' no help, chump don' git no help. Jive ass dude don' got no brains anyhow."

• "Johnny, what can you make outta this?"
  "This? Why I could make a hat, or a brooch, a pterodactyl..."

• (In echoey voice to himself) "I've got to concentrate, concentrate, concentrate. I've got to concentrate, concentrate, concentrate. Hello, hello, hello. Echo, echo, echo. Pinch hitting for Pedro Borbau... Manny Mota, Mota, Mota."

• "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines."

• "What kind of plane is it?"
  "Oh it's a big pretty white plane with red stripes, curtains in the window and wheels. It looks like a big Tylenol."

• "Surely there must be something you can do."
  "I'm doing everything I can, and stop calling me Shirley."

• "Bad news, the fog is getting thicker."
  "And Leon's getting laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrger."

• "The last thing he said to me, 'Doc,' he said, 'Sometime when the crew is up against it, the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to get out there and give it all they got and win just one for the Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then, Doc,' he said, 'but I won't smell too good, that's for sure.'"

• "You ever... seen a grown man naked?"

• "I guess the foot's on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?"

• "Alright, Kolosomo, you work the relay, Roberts, check all air traffic within five miles. Get that finger out of your ear, you don't know where that finger's been!"

• "Captain, maybe we ought to turn on the search lights now."
  "No... that's just what they'll be expecting us to do."

• "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

• "Loneliness, that's the bottom line. I was never happy as a child... Christmas, Ted, what does that mean to you? It was living hell. Do you know what it's like falling in the mud and getting kicked, in the head? With an iron boot? Of course you don't, no one does, that never happens. Sorry, Ted, that's a dumb question."