Boris Johnson

Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson , born 1964:
Politician and journalist

Quotes by Boris Johnson

• Try as I might, I could not look at an overhead projection of a growth profit matrix, and stay conscious.

On why he quit after a week as a management consultant.

• Dark forces dragged me away from the keyboard, swirling forces of irresistible intensity and power.

On why his work is always late in.

• This is flipping unbelievable!

On the outcome of the Hutton Report .

• This is a snow job of Himalayan proportions!

On the Hutton Report's 'whitewash'.

• The Lib Dems are not just empty. They are a void within a vacuum surrounded by a vast inanition.

• Drifting rudderless in the wide Sargasso Sea of New Labour's ideological vacuum

On Tony Blair.

• The dreadful truth is that when people come to see their MP they have run out of better ideas.

• If Amsterdam or Leningrad vie for the title of Venice of the North, then Venice - what compliment is high enough? Venice, with all her civilisation and ancient beauty, Venice with her addiction to curious aquatic means of transport, yes, my friends, Venice is the Henley of the South.

• My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive.

• I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

• The Tory Party - the funkiest, most jiving Party on Earth!

• I don't see why people are so snooty about Channel 5. It has some respectable documentaries about the Second World War. It also devotes considerable airtime to investigations into lap dancing, and other related and vital subjects.

• Look the point is ... er, what is the point? It is a tough job but somebody has got to do it.

On being appointed Shadow Arts Minister.

• An inverted pyramid of piffle! (v. An inverted pyramid de Pfeffel!)

Riposte to accusations of his having an affair

• I'm making absolutely no comment, and no I did not.

When asked if he intentionally mislead Michael Howard, leader of the Conservative Party.

• Nothing excites compassion, in friend and foe alike, as much as the sight of you ker-splonked on the Tarmac with your propeller buried six feet under.

On being sacked from the Tory front bench in his Telegraph column December 2, 2004 [1]

• My friends, as I have discovered myself, there are no disasters, only opportunities. And, indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters.

On being sacked from the Tory front bench in his Telegraph column December 2, 2004 [2]

• I could not fail to disagree with you less.

2004 winner of the Foot in Mouth Award from the Plain English Campaign , for his comment on the 12 December 2003 edition of Have I Got News For You [3]

• How do you know we can't deliver coconuts?

Replying to Ian Hislop's taunts about how the Tories don't deliver what they promise, after Boris Johnson said Paul Merton had won a coconut and subsequently said he didn't know if he could give him one when he hosted a 2003 episode of Have I Got News For You (later edited on the DVD Have I Got News For You: The Best of the Guest Presenters).

Quotes by Others About Boris Johnson

• Boris was told to engage his brain before speaking in future.

Conservative Party official.