David Sedaris

David Sedaris (1956-)

American Writer

Sourced

• "They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity."
  • Source: Me Talk Pretty One Day

• "Why refer to Lady Crack Pipe or Good Sir Dishrag when these things could never live up to all that their sex implied"
  • Source: Me Talk Pretty One Day

• "After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of the these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations."
  • Source: Me Talk Pretty One Day

• "My hands tend to be full enough dealing with people who hate me for who I am. Concentrate too hard on the millions of people who hate you for what you are and you're likely to turn into one of those unkempt, sloppy dressers who sag beneath the weight of the two hundred political buttons they wear pinned to their coats and knapsacks."
  • Source: Naked

• "I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out"
  • Source: Naked

• "I love things made out of animals," Sedaris says, holding a knife with a hoof for a handle. "It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.'"
  • Source: Interview with Robert David Sullivan

• "Shit is the tofu of cursing."
  • Source: Reading at George Washington University in Washington, DC. 4 April 2005.