Dennis Miller

Original quotes

• On Bill Gates:
  • "Bill Gates is just a white Persian cat and a monocle away from being a villain in a James Bond movie."
• On smoking lawsuits:
  • "If you're saying you didn't know smoking was bad for you, then you're lying through the hole in your trachea."
• On the Muslim concept of achieving 70 virgins upon arrival in heaven:
  • "The first half-dozen or so will be nice, but after that, I'm going to want a pro."
• On going to war:
  • "And finally, and most importantly, the next time we go to war, don't give a specific reason for the war that the left can seize upon and later flog us with it ad nauseam, just do it. Remember, the first rule of Fight Club is that you don't talk about Fight Club." - Quoted from "Hannity & Colmes ," [6/27/03]
• On Michael Moore and people like him:
  • "We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being."[1]
• On the Abu Ghraib prison scandal:
  • "I'm sorry, those pictures from the Abu Ghraib. At first, they, like infuriated me, I was sad. Then like, a couple days later, after they cut the guy's head off, they didn't seem like much. And now, I like to trade them with my friends." - From his show [6/8/04].
• On Iraqis:
  • "A new poll of Iraqis shows that more than half of them believe they would be safer if U.S. troops left their country. In a related story, more than half of Americans believe we would be safer if Iraqis stopped answering poll questions and helped us get their damn lights back on, OK? I love that story, a poll of Iraqis want us to leave." [6/18/04]

Quotes about Miller on The Simpsons

Lisa : (after reading "C:\DOS\RUN" joke) Ha, only one person in a million would find that funny!

Professor John Frink : Yes, we call that the "Dennis Miller Ratio."

(The Simpsons, Season 10, Episode 22, "They Saved Lisa's Brain." See The Dennis Miller Ratio for additional information.)

In another episode of The Simpsons, the Simpson family upgraded the house to a fully automated, computer-controlled system:

Dennis Miller-like voice: "Hey, cha-cha, this house has got more features than a NASA relief map of Turkmenistan ."

Lisa]]: "Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides ?"

Marge : "Murder-suicides."

(From CABF19)