Falling Down

Respectable, well-dressed, recently unemployed man: "I'm not economically viable."

Bill Foster: Plastic surgery bought this?!

Sergeant Prendergast: You're mad because they lied to you? They lie to everyone. They lie to the fish.

Captain Yardley: I never liked you. You know why? You don't curse. I don't trust a man who doesn't curse. Not a "fuck" or a "shit" in all these years.

Sergeant Prendergast: Let's meet a couple of police officers. They are all good guys.

Bill Foster: I'm the bad guy?

Sergeant Prendergast: Yeah.

Bill Foster: How did that happen?

Nick: We're the same, you and me. We're the same, don't you see?

Bill Foster: We are not the same. I'm an American and you're a sick asshole.

Nick: Just what kind of vigilante are you?

Bill Foster: I am not a vigilante. I am just trying to get home to my little girl's birthday party and if everyone will just stay out of my way, nobody will get hurt.

Korean Shop Owner: Take the money.

Bill Foster: You think I'm a thief? You see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a STINKING SODA. You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.

Gang member 1: Whatcha doin' Mr?

Bill Foster: Nothing.

Gang member 1: Nahh, man. You're trepassing on private property.

Bill Foster: Trepassing?

Gang member 2: You're loitering too, man.

Gang member 1: That's right, you're loitering too.

Bill Foster: I didn't see any signs.

Gang member 1: [pointing at a graffiti skull] Whatcha call that?

Gang member 1: Nahh man, it's not fucking graffiti. That's a sign.

Gang member 2: He can't read it man.

Gang member 1: Well then I guess I'm gonna have to read it for you. It says this is fucking private property. No fucking trespassing. That means fucking you.

Bill Foster: It says all that?

Gang member 1: Yeah.

Bill Foster: Well, maybe if you wrote it in fucking English, I would fucking understand it.

[Bill picks up the pathetic hamburger he just ordered, comparing it to the picture behind the counter]

Bill Foster: Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?

Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Excuse me... Hey, EXCUSE ME. I don't know if you have noticed it or not, but there are other people waiting to use the phone here.

Bill Foster: There are?

Annoying Man at Phone Booth: Yeah.

Bill Foster: There's other people who want to use the phone?

Annoying Man at Phone Booth: That's right, you selfish asshole.

Bill Foster: Well, that's too bad. Because you know what?

[firing a machine gun into the phone booth]

Bill Foster: I think it's out of order.

Sergeant Prendergast: Fuck you Captain Yardley. Fuck you very much.

[In the Whammy Burger]

Bill Foster: Why am I calling you by your first names? I don't even know you. I still call my boss "Mister", and I've been working for him for seven years, but all of a sudden I walk in here and I'm calling you Rick and Sheila like we're in some kind of AA meeting. . .I don't want to be your buddy, Rick. I just want some breakfast.

Sheila: You can call me Miss Folsom if you want.

Bill Foster: You're Korean? Do you have any idea how much money my country has given your country?

Shop Owner: How much?

Bill Foster: I don't know. But, it's gotta be a lot.

Bill Foster: What about the briefcase? You forgot the briefcase.

Bill Foster: You have a choice. I can kill you. Or you can kill me, and my daughter will get the insurance.

Beth: You're not coming here.

Bill Foster: Oh but I am. I'm on my way. I've passed the point of no return. You know what that is? That's the point in a journey where it's harder to go back to the beginning than to continue on to the end. It's like when those astronauts got in trouble when they were going to the moon. Somebody messed up or something and they had to get them back to Earth but first they had to go around the moon. They were out of contact for hours. Everybody waited breathlessly to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, I'm on the other side of the moon now and everybody will have to wait until I pop out.

Beth: The police are here.

Bill Foster: Beth, did you know that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?

Bill Foster: I've passed the point of no return. Do you know what that is, Beth? That's the point in a journey where it's more difficult to go back to the beginning. It's like when those astronauts got in trouble. I don't know, somebody messed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. They were on the other side of the moon and were out of contact for like hours. Everybody waited to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now and everybody is going to have to wait until I pop out.

Beth: The police are here.

Bill Foster: Did you know, Beth, that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?

Panhandler: That's a hell of a way to treat a vet, man.

Bill Foster: You're an animal doctor?

Panhandler: No, a vet. A veteran. I was in 'Nam, man.

Bill Foster: What were you - a drummer boy? You must've been 10 years old.

Panhandler: I meant the Gulf. I meant to say the Gulf. Jesus. Come on. All I'm asking for is a little change. I haven't eaten in three days.

[has a sandwhich in hand]

Panhandler: Well, I mean, except for this.

Detective: We tried and tried but could not fit your fucking name on the cake, Prendergast.

Nick: You know what was in this? Zyklon-B! You remember? What the Nazis had? Listen!

[Shakes the can, a slight rattle is barely audible]

Nick: Empty! This was used, man! This was actually used. I wonder how many kikes this little can took out! Huh! Think about it!

Mr. Lee: You go now. No trouble.

Bill Foster: No. I stay. What do you think of that?

Bill Foster: What are you doing to the street?

Construction Worker: We're fixing it! What the Hell does it look like?

Bill Foster: Two days ago it was fine. Are you telling me the street fell apart in two days?

Construction Worker: Well, I guess so.

Bill Foster: Pardon me, but that's bullshit. You see, I don't think anything's wrong with the street! I think you're just trying to justify your inflated budgets! I know how it works! If you don't spend the projected amount this year, you don't get the same amount next year! Now, I want you to admit, THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THE STREET!

Construction Worker: Hey, fuck you, pal.

Nick: Why don't they call you guys officer-esses?

Sandra: I beg your pardon?

Nick: You know, like actress. Something to signify... You know.

Sandra: Oh. I guess they think a police officer is a police officer. Not a... You know.

Nick: Okay then. Sorry I couldn't have been helpful, Officer-ess.

Nick: Fuck you. Who the fuck are you? Are you fucking with me? I...

Bill Foster: I am just disagreeing with you. In America, we have the freedom of speech. The right to disagree.

Nick: Fuck you and your freedom.

Sergeant Prendergast: What did this guy look like?

Angie: I don't know, he looked like you except he was taller and he had hair.

Det. Jones: [Sarcastically] Good description, Angie.

Golfer: Fore!

[Hits a golf ball at Foster]

Bill Foster: [Takes out a shotgun] Five!

Bill Foster: What are you trying to do? Kill me with a golf ball? It's not enough you have all these beautiful acres fenced in for your little game, but you gotta kill me with a golf ball? You should have children playing here, you should have families having picnics, you should have a goddamn petting zoo. But instead you've got these stupid electric carts for you old men with nothing better to do.

[Shoots a golf cart]

Bill Foster: Now aren't you ashamed?

[after Bill shoots the golf cart, triggering Frank's heart attack]

Bill Foster: What's wrong?

Frank: My - heart...

Bill Foster: Well, what can I do about it?

Frank: Pills... get p-pills...

Bill Foster: Where are your pills?

[Frank points towards the cart, which has just plunged into a water hazard]

Bill Foster: Bad news. Your little car's gonna drown. And you're gonna die, wearing that stupid hat. How does it feel?

Sergeant Prendergast: Get a positive ID on the gym bag.

Captain Yardley: Prendergast, what do you think this is?

[Holds up his own gym bag]

Sergeant Prendergast: A gym bag.

Captain Yardley: Does this mean you're putting me under arrest?

Bill Foster: Hey. Why are you putting barbed wire on that fence? Is this how you rich people amuse yourselves? You put barbed wire on the fence so innocent people like me can hurt themselves looking in?

[Bill Foster approaches the gang after they crashed]

Bill Foster: You missed.

[Foster picks up the UZI and shoots to the car]

Bill Foster: I missed too.

[Foster threatens the gang member as he begs for his life. Foster shoots him in the leg]

Bill Foster: You see? That's the concept.

[Picks up the gym bag with the guns]

Bill Foster: Take some shooting lessons, asshole

Nick: [after a gay man tips over a sunglass rack on Nick's counter, then leaves] FUCKING FAGGOTS! YOU BELIEVE THIS SHIT? Jesus! Alternate lifestyle, my ass! Imagine what those pumpkins do with each other when they're alone! And what about the muff divers? Think about it!

Nick: [showing Bill his selection of hiking boots] Let's see what we got. These here are the top of the line. Scientifically engineered and all that crap. Guaranteed by some Sierra Club asshole not to hurt a chipmunk IF you step on it! Personally, I think they're for pussies and

[turns his head towards two homosexuals frequenting his store]

Nick: FAGGOTS! Now THESE are Vietnam jungle boots. Cost you half as much, last you twice as long, and are great for stomping

[turns his head towards the two again]

Nick: QUEERS! 'Course when you're done you have to clean out the waffle with a stick, but what the hell, you can't have everything, right? Am I right or wrong?

Bill Foster: [to customer at WhammyBurger] How are you enjoying your meal?

[customer vomits onto tray]

Bill Foster: [to manager] Hey, Rick, we have a critic here! I don't think she likes the special sauce.

[Bill Foster exits his car in the middle of the highway]

Guy on Freeway: Hey, where do you think you're going?

Bill Foster: I'm going home!

[Foster has just attacked the gang members on the hill]

Bill Foster: Clear a path! I'm going home!

Nick: [picks up snowglobe] "What is this doing in here? Faggot shit!"

[throws snowglobe]