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Looney Tunes: Back in Action
(2003)
Written by: Larry Doyle
Directed by: Joe Dante
- [Bugs Bunny is fishing from a boat in the back seat of studio exec Kate's flooded Alfa Romeo.]
- Bugs: Hey, whadda ya know? I found Nemo!
- [Porky Pig and Speedy Gonzalez chat in the cafeteria.]
- Porky: Eh, f-first they tell me to lose the stutter. Now they tell me I'm not funny! [sighs] It's a pain in the butt, being p-p-p-politically correct.
- Speedy: You're telling me.
- [As DJ Drake (played by Brendan Fraser) and Daffy Duck drive to Las Vegas…]
- DJ: I'm not a security guard! For your information, it's just a job. It's what I do for money.
- Daffy: Um-hmm.
- DJ: What I really do is… I'm… I'm a… I'm a stuntman!
- Daffy: Hah! You? A stuntman? Please!
- DJ: I am! Did you see those "Mummy" movies?
- Daffy: Uh…
- DJ: I'm in them more than Brendan Fraser is!
- [Daffy rolls his eyes, complete with cartoon sound effect.]
- DJ: Oh, no — you couldn't stand that! One day, he decides to say, "No no no! The Bren-Master does all his own stunts!"
- [We get our first view of the ACME boardroom and its members.]
- Chairman: This is unacceptable! We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME sneakers… not when three-year-olds work for so much less.
- [The VPs jump for their buzzers. VP Child Labor hits his first. The Chairman points to him.]
- Chairman: Yes!
- VP Child Labor: But sir! They require naps.
- Chairman: Put double espresso in their sippy cups!
- [At the Wooden Nickel, diva Dusty Tails changes while she talks about her career.]
- Dusty: I also work for the Agency. Professional assassin. It's really hard for me to juggle the two sometimes. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I have kids!
- [She comes out wearing a shiny black-leather catsuit.]
- Dusty: Do you know how hard it is to find a nanny with advanced weapons training?
- Daffy: [gives a wolf-whistle] How many galoshes died to make that little number?
- [DJ tries to take the Mona Lisa Q♦ playing card from Dusty, who instead slips it inside her outfit.]
- Dusty: That is so sweet! You, trying to take over for your father. These evil forces… they're bad people!
- Daffy: Relax, sister! I don't know the meaning of the word "fear"!
- [Daffy opens the door and finds himself facing a lit cannon.]
- Nasty Canasta: Say your prayers, Duck!
- Daffy: "Fear: (Noun.) A state of terror"!
- [Yosemite Sam chases DJ and Daffy through the Wooden Nickel casino, guns a-blazin'…]
- Yosemite Sam: Come back here, ya card-carryin' cuy-ote!
- [… and slips on a banana peel.]
- Yosemite Sam: Yikes! Ooooh! Dad-burned slapstick cliché!
- [Daffy and DJ finally escape the Wooden Nickel.]
- Daffy: I say we do Cirque de Soleil and call it a night.
- [DJ makes a mad dash for his car.]
- Daffy: How 'bout the Liberace Museum?
- [Jeff Gordon, dressed in racer gear, has his No. 24 DuPont Rainbow Car brought around, only to be interrupted.]
- Yosemite Sam: Outta the way, fancy boy! I'm a-commandeering this here clown car.
- [Kate and Bugs drive through the streets of Las Vegas, looking for Daffy.]
- Kate: There's gotta be 314 hotels and 142 casinos in Las Vegas! We are never gonna find that duck.
- [Suddenly, Daffy runs into the street and is promptly plastered onto the windshield. Kate gasps.]
- Bugs: Hee hee. Daff never misses a cue.
- [DJ arrives, peels off Daffy, and tosses him into the back seat, upside down, next to Bugs.]
- Bugs: Eh, what's up, Duck?
- Daffy: Don't you start with me!
- [Driving alongside the good guys, Nasty Canasta lights a stick of dynamite to throw into their car.]
- Kate: Dynamite?! Who has dynamite?!
- Daffy: Welcome to my world.
- [The good guys take off, leaving the bad guys with the lit dynamite.]
- Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window! Throw it out! Throw it ou-ou-out!
- Nasty Canasta: But innocent people could be hurt!
- Yosemite Sam: Throw it out the window!
- Cottontail Smith: It'll send the wrong message to children!
- Yosemite Sam: Throw it ou—
- [BOOM!]
- [Just before the heroes' flying car crashes, it stops a few feet above the desert ground.]
- Bugs: Huh! Outta gas.
- [Fade to black.]
- Kate: What?! It doesn't work like that!
- [Cut back to car, which smashes into the ground. Fade to black again.]
- Bugs: Thanks, Toots.
- [In the desert, DJ spots a Wal-Mart's store, rippling in the heat.]
- DJ: Hey, look at that!
- Bugs: Is it a mirage, or just product placement?
- Daffy: Who cares?! With shopping convenience at such low prices!
- [Daffy runs toward the image.]
- Daffy: Water! Fresca! Mountain Dew! Your product name here! Woo-hoo-hoo!
- DJ: [to Kate] Is this your idea?
- [She opens her mouth to object, then gets defensive.]
- Kate: The audience expects it. They don't even notice this kind of thing anymore.
- [DJ shares his disappointed look with the audience.]
- . . .
- [The intrepid adventurers depart the desert Wal-Mart with goodies.]
- Bugs: Nice of Wal-Mart to provide these Wal-Mart beverages in retoin for us saying "Wal-Mart" so many times.
- [As Wile E. Coyote observes the heroes trudging through the desert…]
- Bugs: I told ya we shoulda made that left toin at Albuqueque.
- Daffy: Don't start that again!
- [Sign in the Area 52 laboratory: AREA 52 — KEEPING THINGS FROM THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SINCE 1947]
- [Inside the Area 52 lab, chief spy-scientist Mother talks to the DJ et al.]
- Mother: This isn't about the giant ants, is it?
- Kate: Giant… ants?
- Mother: 'Cause they're not really ants… anymore.
- [Mother drinks from a flask of blue liquid.]
- DJ: Tell me about the Blue Monkey.
- [She spews her beverage on DJ.]
- Mother: How do you know about that thing that I've never heard of in my entire life?
- DJ: My dad told me.
- Mother: What is the point of making them pinky-swear?!
- [After Marvin helps the jar-emprisoned creatures escape…]
- Daffy: Yikes! Illegal aliens!
- [At the Louvre, as Daffy grabs the playing-card lens, Elmer Fudd jams his shotgun into the back of Daffy's head.]
- Elmer: I'll take that!
- Bugs: Em… what gives, Doc? We made thoity-five pictures together!
- Elmer: Well, as it tuwns out, I'm secwetwy evil!
- Daffy: [snorts] That's showbiz for ya!
- Elmer: Now, make with the cards, so I can pwease my dark masters!
- [After Elmer Fudd leaps out of La Grande Jatte (by pointillist Georges Seurat), Bugs reads to him from a museum guide.]
- Bugs: Pointillism. A technique using individual dots of pigment, which, taken together…
- [Bugs whips out a pocket electric fan.]
- Bugs: … make an image.
- [He turns on the fan. Elmer's dots start to disperse.]
- Elmer: Oh, cwud!
- [Bugs turns to the audience.]
- Bugs: I think, when you go to the movies, you should learn something.
- [As Granny's elephant progresses through the jungle, a flock of multicolored Tweety birds fly around.]
- Tweety: I've discovewed my woots!
- Sylvester: I've discovered my lunch!
- [The birds attack Sylvester. Cut to Tweety, in African garb.]
- Tweety: Cwy fweedom!
- [From behind, we see the elephant come upon a picturesque lost city in the jungle.]
- Daffy: What a fantastic view!
- Bugs: Unless you're in the audience, in which case you've been staring at an elephant's behind for thoity seconds.
- [Outside the ACME satellite, Marvin the Martian holds an ACME Bubble Gun on Bugs.]
- Bugs: Eh… what's up, Darth?
- [As Marvin goes tumbling through space…]
- Marvin: Darn Dark Siiiide!
See also
External links
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