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M*A*S*H (TV series)
Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
- Hawkeye Pierce, looking for maps of the minefield: "Why aren't they under 'M'?"
Radar O'Reilly: "Because they're under 'B' for 'boom'."
- Hawkeye Pierce: "I'd like a dry martini, Mr. Quoc, a very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dustbowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini."
- Hawkeye Pierce: "I will not carry a gun, Frank. When I got thrown into this war I had a clear understanding with the Pentagon: no guns. I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-kari' if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!"
- Hawkeye Pierce, to B.J. Hunnicutt, who is reading "Medical Dialogue" at six in the morning: "I'll save you the trouble, I know how it ends: Peter Pancreas marries the princess... Pelvis. They have a couple of kidneys, and they all liver happily ever after."
Captain Trapper John McIntyre
- Trapper McIntyre: "Another day in the ROK (pronounced ar-oh-kay, stands for Republic of Korea)."
Lieutenent Colonel Henry B. Blake
- Lt. Colonel Henry Blake: Radar, are you gonna end up owning my house?
Corporal Walter O'Reilly (?)
- Radar, to Frank Burns: "I don't know that you know anything at all, sir!"
- Radar, in a poker game: "Well, another day in the ROK (pronounced ar-oh-kay, stands for Republic of Korea)."
Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger
- Maxwell Klinger: "How did you know I was lying?"
Colonel Potter: "Because, everytime you lie your nose gets smaller."
- Colonel Potter: "Klinger, you have no brothers."
Maxwell Klinger: "Whoever said that was lying."
Colonel Potter: "You said that!"
Maxwell Klinger: "Right, I was lying."
Major Frank M. Burns
- Frank Burns: "Hello? Lorraine, it's me, Frank."
Radar O'Reilly (whispering to Frank): "Frank Burns."
Frank Burns (to Lorraine): "Frank Burns!"
- Margaret Houlihan: War horse?! Army mule?!
Frank Burns: Margaret!
Margaret Houlihan : Zip it!
Major Sidney Freedman
- Sidney Freedman: "Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
South Koreans
- South Korean surgeon, speaking of Major Burns: You mean the old Ferret Face?
Hawkeye Pierce: You know him?
South Korean surgeon: He operated on a few of my men. They were lucky. They survived.
- South Koreans with limited English (in unison): Frank Burns eats worms.
- South Koreans with limited English (in unison): You tell him, Ferret Face.
- Ho-Jon: I have 300 dollars now.
Hawkeye Pierce: Well, he's been saving up what little he had... and stealing from my poker winnings!
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