Maddox

Maddox (George Ouzounian) is the owner of The Best Page in the Universe , a blog style comedy website .

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• (introduction) "This page is about me and why everything I like is great. If you disagree with anything you find on this page, you are wrong."
  • The Best Page In The Universe.

• "It's every man's dream to have a penis so large that he must hire a small boy to carry it."
  • Unintentionally sexual comic book covers

• I have a different stance on abortion: I'm against abortion, but for killing babies. That way everyone loses, and I win. I'm neither pro choice, nor pro life; I'm pro you-shutting-the-hell-up. The only way I'd be "pro choice" is if it meant I could choose which babies I could abort, and only then if I could lift the age restriction to 80.
  • Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither.

• "She started crying when she saw the busted colon I gave her pussy husband, so she took one of her shoes off and threw it at me. I caught the shoe between my pecs and I started to laugh like a pirate. Then she started walking towards me to take her shoe back, and there was no way I was going to let this bitch get near my chest so I body slammed her into a cactus that happened to be there. She got up and was uglier than before, so I did what I always do when women start to cry: I went back inside to play video games."
  • Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?

• "That reminds me of how much I hate babies. Why does everyone want to save them? There are too many babies. I'm not saying we should kill them, but if you happen to be giving your baby a bath and the phone rings.. well, nobody will judge you. Besides, you might get free brownies out of it at the funeral, and brownies rule."
  • Garfield sucks

• "It was like Rambo sent them all Christmas cards, but instead of cards it was murder."
  • Astrology is bullshit.

• "The next person's phone I hear set to Vivaldi is going to need a hydraulic pump to pry their phone out of their ass."
  • Ever wonder what your cell phone would sound like coming out of your ass?

• "Is someone you know anorexic? A good joke would be to tell them that they're fat. They'll laugh because anorexic people aren't fat. HAHAH"
  • Pranks to try on people in the hospital!

• "I hate the help screen, I hate the options, I hate the card graphics, I hate the default window size, everything. I HATE SOLITAIRE."
  • I hate Solitaire

• "If people who look different don't necessarily think differently, which they don't, then aren't they essentially discriminating against them by "embracing" them as being "diverse"?"
  • "Embrace diversity," and other bullshit phrases that don't mean anything.

• "... the real reason ADD exists is because executives at pharmaceutical companies need to make their Lexus payments."
  • Attention Deficit Disorder is nothing that a solid kick in the ass can't cure.

• "I don't get it: they re-package the same shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new game and millions of suckers keep buying them. What's the point? Why not just go outside and play real football instead? Or even better yet, get bent. Nobody likes football."
  • Ikaruga kicks ass

• "Why are politicians so full of shit? Why can't there be a congressman (congressman, yes man, tough shit to all you feminists) that just speaks his mind without the meaningless bullshit and ass kissing?"
  • Bitter? Who, me?

• "My Nuts are just under critical mass, a few inches away from collapsing into a super dense vortex of nutsaqutron (a type of radiation given off by enormous balls)."
  • My balls are huge.

• "If there were a building that stood for grammatical integrity, this email would be the plane that crashed into it."
  • Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life

• "I subscribe to an email service from CNN called "CNN Breaking News." Basically every time shit hits the fan, you're supposed to receive an email. Most of the "breaking news" I've received has been as earth shattering as an actor arrested for drunk driving. Wow, now excuse me while I change my freshly soiled boxers."
  • CNN sucks

• "How can a movie be "one of the best"? There's only one "best" movie, so saying something is "one of the best" is stupid and doesn't make sense. Technically any movie that's not the worst could be considered "one of the best." Imagine that, another empty phrase used by marketing people. I want to punch someone in the throat."
  • Hollywood: still out of ideas? How about another black-guy-meets-white-guy comedy

• "For example, the cover on the right depicts Lobo (also known as "the main man") kicking Santa's ass. Santa did something to piss Lobo off (or nothing, it makes no difference), and Lobo RUINED HIS SHIT."
  • Two characters that were missing from the new Daredevil movie

• "No, I'm not a democrat or a republican. I'm just a guy who's tired of the bullshit."
  • Bush: making political satirists obsolete since 2000

• "Finally when the movie started, I thought the bullshit ads were over, but no. First thing they showed was a "coke break" sponsored and produced by coke. [...] I paid $7 for a movie, NOT FOR BULLSHIT ADVERTISEMENTS."
  • I paid $7.00 for a movie...

• "...'SummerGrl19?' Very clever handle by the way, the only way you could make it any more unoriginal or cliche would be to add the words 'happy, cute' or 'princess' to the name."
  • Bullshit Hate Mail

April Fools

On which Maddox acts like his opposite, creating an exaggerated version of bloggers he hates.

• (introduction) "this page is about my opinions. if you disagree, you have a right to your opinion and i can respect that."
  • One of the Better Pages in the Universe.

• "u know what? i thought about it and ive decided that your right, i shouldnt make fun of people who get fast cars. please accept my apology.............. psych! yeah right homo."
  • hate mail. (April Fools 2004)

• "4 example the other day i saw a black person walking down the street and i was like "omg a negro" but instead of walking on the other side i said "what would rumsfeld do?" so i stayed on the sidewalk. when he came up to me i wanted to show him that i have no problems with people of color so i said "hey" and offered him my spare change before he could even ask."
  • i love donald rumsfeld

• "my friend and i were watching mtv the other day when nelly came on and my friend was like "omg nelly rules". hes such an idiot, he only listens to trendy music. at least i like original stuff like beyonce.
  • lol @ fox for laugh out loud sundays!

• "i hope that earns me some eprops (proper recognition in an electronic form lol) LOL LOL LOL!!!"
  • TerriAngel's Xanga Site

• "HEY FAGGOT, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY WE CARE ABOUT TERRI SCHIAVO AND NOT CANCER PATIENTS? BECAUSE FUCK YOU.

SHOVE THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT. FUCK OFF!"

• • TerriAngel's Xanga Site