Monty Python's Flying Circus

Monty Python's Flying Circus , British comedy television show

• And now, for something completely different. . .
  • frequent

• My hovercraft is full of eels.
  • From the "Dirty Hungarian Phrasebook" Sketch

• I object to all this sex on television. I mean, I keep falling off.
  • Graham Chapman as an English housewife

• Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

• I wish to register a complaint.
  • The beginning of the infamous Dead Parrot sketch.

• Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
  • Explanation for Parrot's lack of responsiveness

• It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

• Customer: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to shoot you.

Shopkeeper: Right-O, sir.

Customer: What a senseless waste of human life.

• end of the Cheeseshop sketch

• I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah."

But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

• End of "Four Yorkshiremen" sketch

• Eh? know what I mean? Know what I mean? Nudge, nudge! Know what I mean? Say no more!
• A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, I always say, I Always Say!
  • from "Nudge, nudge"

• Rule Six, there is NO Rule Six. Rule Seven, no pooftas!!
  • from the Bruce sketch

• Why is American beer like making love in a canoe?

'Cause it's fucking close to water!

• An aside in the Bruce sketch from Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

• We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.
  • from Crunchy Frog sketch

• Well there's rat cake ... rat sorbet... rat pudding... or strawberry tart.

Man: Strawberry tart?!

Woman: Well it's got some rat in it.

Man: How much?

Woman: Three, rather a lot really.

Man: ... well, I'll have a slice without so much rat in it.

• from Dead Bishop sketch

• The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the raspberry-laden foe but also the raspberries.
  • from "Self-defense against Fruit"

• In 1945, peace broke out.
  • from the "The Funniest Joke in the World" sketch

• Wife: Have you got anything without SPAM?
  Waitress: Well, there's SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, that's not got much SPAM in it.
  Wife: I don't want any SPAM!
  Man: Why can't she have egg bacon SPAM and sausage?
  Wife: That's got SPAM in it!
  Man: Hasn't got as much SPAM in it as SPAM egg sausage and SPAM, has it?
  Vikings: SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM... Lovely SPAM! Wonderful SPAM!
  • The infamous Monty Python SPAM skit (Eric Idle , Graham Chapman , and Terry Jones , and Vikings) which was the inspiration for use of the word SPAM for junk advertising on the internet.- Wikipedia article; WAV sound file of the SPAM chorus

• René Descartes was a drunk old fart
  I drink, therefore I am.
  • From the Philosophers' Song

• Mrs. O: [reading her horoscope] You have green, scaly skin, and a soft yellow underbelly with a series of fin-like ridges running down your spine and tail. Although lizardlike in shape, you can grow anything up to thirty feet in length with huge teeth that can bite off great rocks and trees. You inhabit arid subtropical zones, and you wear spectacles.
  Mrs. Trepidatious: It's very good about the spectacles.
  Mrs. O: It's amazing!
  • "What the Stars Foretell", episode 37

• "Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfernschplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-banger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandlich-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwagen-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwurstle-gerspurten-mitz-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-shoenendanker-kalbsfleisch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?"

• Graham Chapman (announcer): Tarquin Fintim-Limbim-Whimbim-Lim Bus Stop-F'Tang-F'Tang-Olé-Biscuit-Barrel.
  Political Newscaster: Silly Party.
  • From Election Night sketch. Michael Palin represents the Silly Party, while wearing a complete clown suit and a silly open-mouthed grin

• Yes, well, that's the sort of philistine pig ignorance I have come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your spotty behinds, picking black heads and not giving a tinker's cuss for us struggling artists. You excrement! You whining, hypocritical toadies with your color TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs. Well I wouldn't become a Free Mason now if you got down on your lousy, stinking, purulent knees and begged me!
  • From the Architect sketch

• Well, er, yes Mr. Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy, they're a positive boon."

See also

• Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Life of Brian
• Monty Python's the Meaning of Life