 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
My HeroMy Hero , BBC TV sitcom, 2000-present
Catchphrases
Series 1Series 2Series 3Baby TalkJanet: You’d better speak to him before my mother sees him. And she’ll want to see him before the christening. George: What’s the christening? Janet: It’s when you’re accepted into the church. You ever heard of Jesus Christ? George: That’s what most people say when they see Thermoman. Janet: Well, he was this great man who healed the sick and walked on water... George: The baby walked on water last night! Jesus was an Ultronian! Janet: You’ve picked a name for him already! George: Yep. I’ve found the perfect name. It’s a biblical name, and it means something nice on Ultron. Janet: Oh, really? Well what is it? George: Pontius. Janet: Pontius? As in Pontius Pilate? George: Yeah. It means “great heart” on Ultron. Janet: It means “great bastard” here. George: And his second name is Ulrich. That was my mother’s name. Janet: George, I am NOT naming my son Pontius Ulrich Sunday! More than anything, it spells pus! Arnie: (to Mrs. Raven) Hey, Phantom of the Opera! How'd you like a stallion between your sheets? Mrs. Raven: I'd sooner sleep with an incontinent skunk! Get your coat. Arnie: (to George) Romance is not dead! Zero TolerancePiers: I stopped a little vandal this week spraying “poser” on my brand new customised Porsche. George: Oh yes, I saw that. And on the other side he’d written “Useless toss-” Piers: Yes, thank you George! So I hauled him down to the police station. A small struggle, but I managed to get the better of him. And did they charge him? No, they did not! Honestly, these 5-year-olds can get away with murder! Mrs. Raven: I made 4 citizen’s arrests this week. Stanley: Really? What were they for? Mrs. Raven: Wasting a medical receptionist’s time! Stanley: I don’t think that’s actually an offence, Mrs. Raven. Mrs. Raven: It is to me! Coming back here to change their appointments! So I arrested four of them and took them straight down to the station. Stanley: And did they press any charges? Mrs. Raven: Yeah. They charged me with wasting police time! George and Arnie: Zneet znatter zneet! Tyler: Zneet znatter zneet! Arnie: Tyler, this is an Ultronian thing. We don't do it with humans. Tyler: Oh, okay. (He slowly walks away, upset) George: Oh, alright then. George and Tyler: Zneet znatter zneet! Tyler: Zneet znatter znooding zneet! (George and Arnie recoil) George: That's disgusting. Arnie: Not to mention illegal! (Ultron Postman enters the flat from the bathroom and hands a blue envelope to George. He then goes out the way he came.) Janet: Does he have to come in through there? Last time I was in the shower. George: Oh, it’s alright. He didn’t mind. Pet RescueJanet: We’re looking after Biggles, Mum and Dad’s dog for a couple of weeks. Mrs. Raven: How old is it? Janet: About 5, I think. Mrs. Raven: Not much of an innings is it? Janet: Innings? Mrs. Raven: Well, it’s gonna die, isn’t it? Every time you look after someone’s pet, they always die and they never forgive you. Janet: It’s not going to die, Mrs. Raven. Mrs. Raven: Where is it now? Janet: With George. Mrs Raven: It’s gonna die. Painfully, probably. Janet: Mrs. Raven... Mrs. Raven: Do you know, I looked after my cousin’s cat once. The next day, it was run over and killed. My cousin never forgave me. Janet: It’s hardly your fault if someone... You were driving the car, weren’t you? Mrs. Raven: I hated that cat. The Older ManJanet: Mrs. Raven, were there ever times when you thought your husband wasn’t quite the man you married? Mrs. Raven: Yeah, once. But it was my own fault. I shouldn’t have kicked him there in the first place. (Piers comes out of his office with a young blonde girl named Hayley, whom he has been ‘interviewing’ for a job as a nurse.) Hayley: Look at this, girls! He’s signed my T-shirt! I’m so lucky! Janet: Not as lucky as him. That was a short interview. Hayley: Oh, it’s not over yet. I’ve passed my Part One, but Part Two is all about “restaurant technique”, apparently. Mrs. Raven: Make sure you drink plenty, or you won’t enjoy Part Three much... Arnie: There is one thing you can do, George. But it’s very risky. George: What? Arnie: You can go through... The Flaming Time Tunnels of Tarxis. Tyler: Been there, done that, got the T-shirt! (Tyler opens up his jacket to reveal a T-shirt underneath reading “I went through The Flaming Time Tunnels of Tarxis”) Arnie: It reverses an Ultronian’s aging process by re-jiggin’ the age hormones. Many Ultronian women use it instead of a face lift. George: Oh, yes, I remember. Who’s that famous Ultronian? Arnie: Her Earth name is Joan Collins. She’s been through so many times, she’s got a season ticket. Janet: (into phone) No, Mum, it’s alright. Grandpa George has moved on. ... What do you mean he’s given Dad ideas? ... Well, just close your eyes and think of Mark’s & Spencer’s... Puttin’ On The WritsGeorge: Tyler, why is your sofa covered in Bacofoil? Tyler: The very fact you’re asking me proves that it’s working! (Later on, Ella and Janet enter Tyler's flat) Ella: Why is your sofa covered in Bacofoil? Tyler: So it can't be microwaved. Ella: Er, I'll stand. Mrs. Raven: (to Arnie) Right, pay attention, pond scum. Calls here fall into three categories. “Urgent”, “Very Urgent”, “Life or Death”. “Urgent”: Put on Hold. “Very Urgent”: Disconnect. “Life or Death”: Tell them you’re the maitre’d of the local Chinese restaurant. Mrs. Raven: You tricked me! I should have known you wouldn’t have known what to do if confronted by a poisonous insect! George: Well, what I usually do is say “Good Morning, Mrs. Raven!” Series 4Series 5The contents of this article are licensed from Wikipedia.org under the GNU Free Documentation License.
How to see transparent copy 08-19-2006 03:37:01 |
|
