Napoleon Dynamite (2004) Written and directed by Jared Hess
Napoleon: How long did it take you to grow that moustache?
Pedro: Eh... a couple of days.
Boy: What are you going to do today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Whatever I feel like I want to do! Gosh!
Pedro: Who's she?
Napoleon: My woman I'm taking to the dance.
Pedro: Did you draw her a picture?
Napoleon: Heck yes I did.
Napoleon: Yeah, hold on... I forgot to put in the crystals.
Napoleon: Sorry I'm late. I just got done taming a wild honeymoon stallion for you guys.
Pedro: It's a sledgehammer.
Napoleon Dynamite: Shocks....Pegs....LUCKY!!!
Napoleon: I wish you'd get out of my life and shut up!
Napoleon: I see you're drinking 1%. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
Napoleon: Girls only want guys with skills.. You know, like bowhunting skills.. nunchuck skills.. computer hacking skills.
Napoleon: Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner!
Kip: Your sandy hair floats in the air...To me it's like a lullaby...I'm just flying by...Oh so high...like a kite....
Napoleon: Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip!
Kip: Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter.
Napoleon: Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time.
Kip: Try and hit me, Napoleon.
Napoleon: What?
Kip: I said come down here and see what happens if you try and hit me.
Rex: At Rex Kwon Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back at all times. Second off, you're gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?
[points to Napoleon]
Rex: Take a look at what I'm wearing, people (in sunglasses and matching american flag pants and shirt. You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys? Forget about it! Last off, my students will learn about self respect. You think anybody thinks I'm a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!
Napoleon: I like your sleeves... they're real big.
Deb: Thanks. I made them myself.
Deb: Um, hello. Do you want to look like this?
[Shows picture of blonde model in glamour shot]
Napoleon: This is a girl.
Deb: Because now, for a limited time only, Glamour Shots by Deb are 75% off.
Deb: Would you like to buy one of my boondoggle keychains?
Napoleon: I already made like [in]finity of those at scout camp.
Deb: I'm trying to raise money to go to college.
Kip: [From the background] Your mom goes to college!
Grandma: How was school today, Napoleon?
Napoleon: Worst day of my life, what do you think?
Napoleon: Get off me bodaget!
Napoleon Dynamite: Hey can I use your guys's phone for a sec?
Secretary No. 1: Is there anything wrong?
Napoleon Dynamite: I don't feel very good.
[takes telephone and dials number]
Kip: [making nachos on the other line] Hi.
Napoleon Dynamite: Is grandma there?
Kip: No, she's getting her hair done.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Kip: What do you need?
Napoleon Dynamite: Can you just go get her for me?
Kip: I'm really busy right now.
Napoleon Dynamite: Just tell her to come get me.
Kip: Why?
Napoleon Dynamite: Cause I don't feel good!
Kip: Well, have you talked to the school nurse?
Napoleon Dynamite: No, she doesn't know anything. Will you just come get me?
Kip: No.
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, will you do me a favor then? Can you bring me my chapstick?
Kip: No, Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: But my lips hurt real bad!
Kip: Just borrow some from the school nurse. I know she has like five sticks in her drawer.
Napoleon Dynamite: I'm not gonna use hers, you sicko!
Kip: See ya.
Napoleon Dynamite: Ugh! Idiot!
Napoleon Dynamite: Well, what is there to eat?
Grandma: Get off it, Napoleon! Make yourself a dang quesadilla!
Teacher: Your current event Napoleon.
Napoleon Dynamite: Last week, Japanese scientists explaced.... placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland's local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.
Napoleon Dynamite: I caught you a delicious bass.
Napoleon Dynamite: Do the chickens have large talons?
Napoleon Dynamite: Pedro offers you his protection.
