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Office Space
Office Space (1999)
A comedy film directed by Mike Judge , loosely based on his 1991 animated short film of the same name. It pokes fun at work life in a typical software company during the 1990s by portraying individuals who are completely fed up with their jobs. [1]
- Bob: Looks like you've been missing quite a bit of work lately.
- Peter: Well, I wouldn't say I've been MISSING it, Bob.
- Michael: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to Federal 'Pound me in the Ass' prison!
- Michael: PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?
- Milton: Excuse me, yeah, I believe you have my stapler?
- Nina: Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment! (Repeats continuously)
- PETER
Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if we had a million dollars and didn't have to work. And invariably,
whatever we would say, that was supposed to be our careers. If you
wanted to build cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic.
- SAMIR
So what did you say?
- PETER
I never had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech.
- MICHAEL
No, you're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If that quiz worked, there would be no janitors, because no one would clean shit up if they had a million dollars.
- Peter: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
- Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man - two chicks at the same time, man.
- Peter: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
- Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I had a million dollars I could hook that up, 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
- Peter: Well, not all chicks.
- Lawrence: Well, the kind of chicks that'd double up on me do.
- Peter: Good point.
- Lawrence: What about you ... what would you do?
- Peter: Besides two chicks at the same time?
- Lawrence: Well yeah.
- Peter: Nothing.
- Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
- Peter: I'd relax, sit on my ass all day. I would do nothing.
- Lawrence: Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke — don't do shit.
- Peter: What if we're still doing this when we're 50?
- Samir: It would be nice to have that kind of job security.
- Lawrence: Hey, Peter.
- Peter: Yeah?
- Lawrence: Watch out for your cornhole, bud.
- Tom Smykowski: Well-well look. I already told you: I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?
- Samir: I don't see what's so hard about saying my name. Nay-ee-na-na-jar. Nayeenanajar.
- Bob: I've got another one here, Samir Naga... Naga... Naga-gonnaworkhereanymore, eh!
[Peter is having a dream that he's at a trial, and about to be sentenced]
- The Judge: I hereby sentence you Michael Bolton, and you, Samir Na-nadajibar, to a term of no less than 6 months, in a Federal 'Pound-Me-in-the-Ass' prison!
[The Judge looks directly at Peter]
- The Judge: Peter Gibbons, you've led a trite and meaningless life. You're a very bad person!
[The Judge slams the gavel and Peter wakes up]
- Tom Smykowski: Well alright, it was a "Jump to Conclusions" mat! It would be this mat, with different conclusions written on it, that you could jump to!
- Michael: That is the worst idea I have ever heard in my life, Tom.
- Samir: Yes, yes, it's horrible... this idea.
- Peter: Before we go any further, we gotta swear to God, Allah, that NOBODY knows about this but us. No friends, no girlfriends, NOBODY.
[Lawrence shouting across the apartment wall]
- Lawrence: Hey, don't worry man, I won't tell anyone either!
- Michael: Who the fuck is that?
- Peter: No, don't worry about him, he's cool.
- Peter: And here's something else, Bob! I have eight different bosses right now!
- Bob: I beg your pardon?
- Peter: Eight bosses.
- Bob: Eight?
- Peter: Eight, Bob!
- Peter: You know the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.
- Michael: Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.
- Bill: Yeah... I'm gonna need those TPS reports on my desk by, like, 3 o' clock, m'kay? Great, thanks.
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