Real Genius

Real Genius (1985) Directed by Martha Coolidge . Written by Neal Israel , Pat Proft , and Peter Torokvei

Dr. Meredith: A bit of advice.
Mitch: Oh, uh, thank you?
Dr. Meredith: Always...no, no...never...forget to check your references.
Mitch: Uh, OK...thank you. I'd better be going.
(Mitch leaves)
Dr. Meredith: (to his wife) I think the young people enjoy it when I "get down" verbally, don't you?

Mitch Taylor: Something strange happened to me this morning.
Chris Knight: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?
Mitch Taylor: No.
Chris Knight: Why am I the only person that has that dream?

Bodie: Well, I guess it goes from God, to Jerry, to you, to the cleaners. Right, Kent?

Prof. Hathaway: I want to see more of you around the lab.
Chris Knight: Fine. I'll gain weight.

Kent: What is this?
Chris Knight: This? This is ice. This is what happens to water when it gets too cold. This? This is Kent. This is what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated.

Prof. Hathaway: You still run?
Chris Knight: Only when chased.

Chris Knight: The first thing you should do is get even with Kent. It's a moral imperative.

Chris Knight: Kent put his name on his license plate.
Mitch Taylor: My mother does that to my underwear.
Chris Knight: Your mother puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit?

Prof. Hathaway: I've noticed you've stopped stuttering.
Bodie: I've been giving myself shock therapy.
Prof. Hathaway: Up the voltage.

Old Lady at Science Fair: Tell me, what's Mr. Einstein really like?
Professor Hathaway: Dead.

Chris Knight: If there's anything I can do for you, or more to the point, to you, you let me know, okay?
Susan Decker: Can you hammer a six inch spike through a board with your penis?
Chris Knight: Not right now.
Susan Decker: A girl's got to have her standards.

Dr. Dodd: Why is that toy on your head?
Chris Knight: Because if I wear it anywhere else, it chafes.

Chris Knight: Don't eat that. Don't you know that eating that can cause very large breasts? Oh my God, I'm too late!

Chris Knight: Do you mind if I name my first child after you? "Dipshit Knight" has a nice ring to it.

Chris Knight: Good. Because all of my filth is arranged in alphabetical order. This, for instance, is under 'H' for 'toy.'

Chris Knight: I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said, 'I drank what?'

Chris Knight: I'm sorry. It's just that I didn't want you guys to think I was stuffy. You know, no fun. All brain no penis.

Jordan: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a roomate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an easier school, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?