Kyle Broflovski
- Ike: "Ba-ba-ba-ba-bah."
Kyle: "Ready, Ike? Kick the baby!"
Ike: "Don't kick the baby."
Kyle: "Kick the baby."
[Ike goes through a window and breaks it]
Sheila Broflovski: Ike, you broke another window! That's a bad baby! BAD baby!
- Kyle: "Let me have some more candy Cartman."
Cartman: "Let's see, hmm, I don't have any Jewish candy."
Kyle: "Fine! Like you really need more, fat boy!"
- Mr. Mackey: "Now children, why don't you tell me where you heard these words."
Kyle: "Umm..."
Stan: "We heard Mr. Garrison say them a few times."
Mr. Mackey: "Now I find it hard to believe Mr. Garrison said 'eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker.'"
- Gregory: "I'm here for 'la resistance.'"
Kyle: "What's the password?"
Gregory: "I don't know."
Kyle: "Guess."
Gregory: "Uhhh... bacon."
Kyle: "Good enough."
- Kyle: "You can't die! We don't know where we are!"
The Mole: "You must go on..."
Kyle: "No, we have no fucking clue where we are!"
- Kyle: "Hey, Mole, be careful."
The Mole: "Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?"
Stan: "Damn, dude, that kid is fucked up!"
Stan Marsh
- "But this is going to be the best movie ever! It's a foreign film from Canada."
- Stan: "Chef, how do you make a woman like you more than any other guy?"
Chef: "Oh, that's easy. You just gotta find the clitoris."
Stan: "Huh?"
Chef: "Whoops."
Stan: "What does that mean, 'find the clitoris?'"
Chef: "Uh, forget I said anything."
- Stan: "Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?"
Kyle: "The what?"
Cartman: "What, is that like finding Jesus or something?"
- Stan: Why’d our moms have to arrest Terrence and Phillip?"
Mr. Garrison: "I don’t know; they’re probably all just on their periods or something."
Gregory: "Mr. Garrison, Wendy and I believe that was a sexist comment."
Mr. Garrison: "Well, I'm sorry, Wendy, I just can't trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
- Shelly Marsh: "All right you turds! Listen up! Your moms are away at a meeting, so they put me in charge of you. But you're still grounded, so you're not allowed to have any fun. Any questions?"
Stan: "Shelly, where's the clitoris?"
[Shelly picks up a chair and hits Stan with it]
Stan: "Ow!"
Shelly Marsh: "Now, you all just sit there and keep your mouths shut while I go listen to my Britney Spears records."
- Stan: "Hang on, before you do, search for the word 'clitoris.'"
Kyle: "OK, hang on... 1,830,000 pages found with the word clitoris."
- "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?"
- Stan: "We're 'La Resistance,' we want to save Terrance and Phillip and stop the war and stuff."
The Mole: "I can't help you. I'm grounded in my room for the next three days."
Kyle: "So are we. Our parents think we're home right now."
Stan: "Why are you grounded?"
The Mole: "Why? Because God hates me, that's why. He has made my life miserable. So I call him a cock-sucking asshole, and I get grounded."
- The Mole: "Now, did you bring the mirror?
Stan: "Check!"
The Mole: "Did you bring the rope?"
Stan: "Check!"
The Mole: "Did you bring the buttfor?"
Stan: "What's a buttfor?"
The Mole: "For pooping, silly."
Eric Cartman
- (for no reason) "I hate you Kenny."
- "Yes, that's right, I saw the Terrance and Phillip movie. Now who wants to touch me? I SAID WHO WANTS TO FUCKIN' TOUCH ME?!"
- Cartman: "Don't call me fat, you fucking Jew!"
Mr. Garrison: "Eric, did you just say the F-word?"
Cartman: "Jew?"
Kyle: "No, he's talking about 'fuck'. You can't say 'fuck' in school, you fucking fat ass!"
Mr. Garrison: "Kyle!"
Cartman: "Why the fuck not?"
Mr. Garrison: "Eric!"
Stan: "Dude, you just said 'fuck' again!"
Mr. Garrison: "Stanley!"
Kenny: "Fuck!"
Mr. Garrison: "Kenny!"
Cartman: "What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. Fuck-fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck."
Mr. Garrison: "How would you like to go see the school counselor?"
Cartman: "How would you like to suck my balls?"
Mr. Garrison: "What did you say?"
Cartman: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was..." [Cartman picks up a megaphone] "HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY BALLS, MR. GARRISON?"
Stan: "Holy shit, dude."
- "That movie has warped my fragile little mind."
- Cartman: "Hey dudes!"
Kyle: "What's the matter Cartman?"
Cartman: "It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words."
Kyle: "Really? So you can't say Fuck?"
Cartman: "No!"
Kyle: "And you can't say Shit?"
Cartman: "No!"
Kyle: "So you can't say I'm Eric Cartman the Fattest fucking piece of Shit in the world?"
Cartman: "FUCK YOU!" [gets shocked by the V-chip] "AHHH!"
Kyle: "Ewwww... Sweet!"
- Cartman: "Mom, if you were in a Scheiße video, you would tell me...right?"
Cartman's Mom: [pauses] "Of course sweety."
- Gregory: "I must say, I don't believe I belong here with these rogues. I transferred from Yardale where I had a 4.0 grade point average."
Cartman: "You're a fucking faggot, dude."
- Cartman: "Kyle, all those times I said you were a dumb, stupid Jew, well, I was wrong, you're not a Jew."
Kyle: "Cartman, I am Jewish!"
Cartman: "There, there, don't be hard on yourself, Kyle."
Kenny McCormick
- Kenny's Mom: "Well, fine. You go ahead and miss church and then when you die and go to hell, you can answer to Satan!"
Kenny: [pauses] "Okay!"
- Doctor: "Kenny? Kenny, can you hear me?"
Kenny: "Holy shit, dude."
Doctor: "How are you feeling, son?"
Kenny: "Like a sick animal."
Doctor: "Great. Son, I have some bad news. We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live."
Kenny: "What?" [the potato in his chest explodes]
Cartman: "Aw, fucking weak, dude!"
Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!"
Kyle: "You bastards!"
Others
Phillip: "Say, Terrance, what did the Spanish priest say to the Iranian gynecologist?"
Terrance: "I don't know, Phillip. What?"
[Phillip farts]
Terrance: "You're such a pig-fucker, Phillip!"
Phillip: "Terrance, why would you call me a pig-fucker?"
Terrance: "Well, let's see. First of all, you fuck pigs."
Phillip: "Oh yeah!"
Woman in Theatre: "What garbage!"
Man in Theatre: "Well, what do you expect, they're Canadian!"
Mr. Garrison: [after student provides incorrect answer to math problem] "OK, now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard... anyone?"
Sharon Marsh: "Oh, dear God."
Sheila Broflovski: "What the heck is a 'rimjob'?"
Cartman's Mom: "Oh, why, that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your ass."
Newscaster: "Is Terrance and Philip affecting America's youth? Here with that report is a midget in a bikini."
Midget in bikini: "Thanks, Tom."
[at a spelling bee]
Teacher: "The word is 'forensics'."
Kid: "Ah, fuck that. Why should we fucking have to spell forensics? S-U-C-K-M-Y-A-S-S. Forensics."
UN Leader: "What say you, Mr. American Ambassador."
American Representative: [stands up] "Fuck Canada!"
Canadian Representative: "Hey fuck you buddy!"
Canadian Representative: "Our government has apologized for Bryan Adams on numerous occasions!"
Canadian Ambassador: "Can I finish? Can I finish? Can I finish?" [pause] "I'm finished."
[after unsuccessfully trying to save Kenny]
Dr. Doctor: "Dammit! It never gets any easier!"
[walks away whistling]
Satan: "Is sex the only thing that matters to you?"
Saddam Hussein: "I love you."
Saddam Hussein: "Hey Satan, I got some new luggage for our trip up to Earth. Let's fuck to celebrate."
Satan: "How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?"
Saddam Hussein: "Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minnelli?"
Billy Baldwin: [answers the phone] "Baldwin residence. No, this is Billy Baldwin. If you want Daniel Baldwin call his extension, stupid!" [hangs up the phone] "Hey Alec, you know what sucks about being a Baldwin?"
Alec Baldwin: "No, what?"
Billy Baldwin: "Nothing!"
Mr. Garrison: "I can't wait to go on shore leave so I can get me some fucking poontang."
Jimbo Kearn: "Oh boy, miliary action, Ned, we're gonna kill us some goddamn Australians!"
Ned Gerblanski: "I think we're fighting Canadians."
Jimbo Kearn: "Canadians, Australians, what's the difference? "
Chef: "Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"
General: "I don't listen to hip-hop."
Army General: [to Bill Gates] "You told us that windows 98 would be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet!"
Bill Gates: "It IS faster! Over five million..." [general shoots Bill Gates]
Sheila Broflovski: "Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words! That's what this war is all about!"
Sheila Broflovski: [when Terrence and Phillip are in electric chairs] "Gentlemen, do you have any last words?"
Phillip: "Last words? How's aboot: 'Get me the fuck out of this chair!' How's that for last words?"
The Mole: "What do you think this is kid? T.V. kiddie hour where we all stand around and lick Barney the dinosaur's fucking pussy?"
Soldier: "Hey, you hear that? Sounds like a giraffe's dying over there!"
Radio Announcer: "And so, the draft will be in tomorrow as more and more troops are needed to invade the Canadian border. The Canadian government pleads for a peaceful resolution, but naturally, we're not listening."
Saddam Hussein: "Ya like that, don't ya, bitch?"
Terrance: "This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture."
