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The Tick (live-action)
The Tick is a character created by Ben Edlund and had previously appeared in comics and an animated cartoon. The live-action series ran on the Fox network in 2001. Nine episodes were made; one of them was never aired, but appears on the DVD.
Cast
- Patrick Warburton - the Tick
- Matt Burke - Arthur
- Nestor Carbonell - Batmanuel
- Liz Vassey - Captain Liberty
- Major guest stars will be listed in notes for the episode they appear in.
Pilot
- Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld . Written by Ben Edlund .
- The Tick: The life of a superhero is a lonely one, filled with hardship and danger. The few who answer the call must leave comfort, safety, and often sanity behind. But someone's gotta stand the heat and stay in the kitchen. Someone's gotta don the oven mitts of all that's right and strangle the red-hot throat of all that's wrong. This is that someone's story.
- Tick: He stands in silence - stoic, godlike - the mysterious blue avenger who has become legend to the simple folk of this bus station. But glory will not distract him from his vigil.
- (A vending machine has taken a commuter's money and failed to deliver a cup of coffee; the Tick bounds into action.)
- Tick: Stand back, citizen! So, vending menace, we meet again. (to commuter, while flipping coin return lever) Did you do the little thingie? (he heaves machine off the ground, shaking it and pounding it against the wall) Armless bandit! Empty your bladder of that bitter black urine men call coffee! It has its price and that price has been paid! (he slams machine back onto the ground; it delivers a cup of coffee) Java devil, you are now my bitch. Well, here you are, weary traveler, one steaming hot cup of justice. No need to thank me - it's my sworn duty to defend this bus station from the ravages of evil.
- Tick: Well, Destiny honks the horn of Gotta Go. To the City!
- Bus station manager: Who was that blue stranger?
- Tick: He was - the Tick!
- (Arthur is in an office, working, in his superhero suit; his boss sits bside Arthur's desk and clears his throat.)
- Arthur: Mr.-Mr. Fishladder!
- Mr. Fishladder: Arthur - it is still "Arthur", isn't it? Arthur, my time is worth seventeen dollars a second. I want an explanation, and I want it to cost less than fifteen hundred dollars. Go!
- Arthur: Oh. Uh, well, it's a little hard to explain --
- Fishladder: Fifty-one dollars.
- Arthur: Mr. Fishladder, I have been living a lie. I am more than just a mild-mannered accountant. Now, I do good work for this firm and I value my job. It's just... my entire life has become nothing but numbers and deductions and IRA's.
- Fishladder: Two hundred fifty-five dollars.
- Arthur: Granted, I have been doing my parents' tax returns since I was six - but even then I knew I had a higher calling. I can't hide from it any longer. I --
- Fishladder: Don't say it!
- Arthur: I am going to become a superhero! You know... part-time, at first...
- Fishladder: Christ in heaven, look at yourself! You're built like a sensible shoe! You shouldn't be jumping around in a body-sock fighting crime!
- Arthur: Well, I haven't actually fought any crime yet.
- Fishladder: Good - keep it that way! Crime fights back! Remember the lesson of Metcalf.
- Arthur: Metcalf?
- Fishladder: METCALF! Head of Shipping and Receiving, third floor. Metcalf! He lost all his game pieces just like you, cashed in his 401k, and bought a jetpack. Now the poor bastard needs a machine - to POOP!
- Arthur: Mr. Fishladder, I know that sort of thing can happen, but --
- Fishladder: But you're gonna ride this thing out to the bloody, gruesome end, aren't you?
- Arthur: Well, maybe not all the way to the end but... you know, for a while. Mr. Fishladder, I have to try.
- Fishladder: Time's up. Here's the way I see it: you're either a man with a job or an idiot in a bunny suit. You can't be both - not at Worldwide Fishladder & Sons. So what's it gonna be, huh?
- Arthur: They may call us an accountant, but we can't deny our true nature... even if all our friends and relatives tell us we're good at math. The hero's life - our destiny!
- Captain Liberty: I'm working on having him deported.
- Batmanuel: She fears the demons I have awoken in her... womanly places.
- Arthur: I'm not moth-man, I'm not a superhero... I'm not even an accountant anymore! I'm just Arthur.
- Tick: Arthur, listen to me carefully. I believe in you! I always have! That's why I'm here. Destiny dressed you this morning, chum, and now Fear is trying to pull off your pants. If you give up, If you give in, you're gonna be left naked, with Fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!
The Terror
- Directed by Boris Damast . Written by Ben Edlund .
- The Terror: I'll fold you into my wallet and spend you on a whore!
Arthur, Interrupted
- Directed by Dean Parsot . Written by Richard Lehmann-Smith .
The License
- Directed by Craig Zisk . Written by Larry Charles .
Arthur Needs Space
- Directed by Bo Welch . Written by David Sacks .
- Batmanuel: Herein you see the power of the suit. Women cannot resist the suit. Men cannot resist the suit. Dogs --
- Arthur: Yeah, I get it. So you think she's only talking to me because of the suit?
- Batmanuel: I am only talking to you because of the suit.
Couples
- Directed by Danny Leiner . Written by Ross Vendkur .
- Tick: Well - not so runny anymore, are we, Mister Takin'-Stuff? (after fleeing burglar bounces off him.)
The Funeral
- Directed by Andrew Tsao . Written by Christopher McCullough .
- Batmanuel: I'm sorry, but it's just not cool.
- Arthur: Well, who made you the arbiter of cool?
- Batmanuel: It is Batmanuel's divine mission. He can do nothing about it.
- Batmanuel: If you had listened to me at the Panda you would be on a date right now instead of riding around in the makeshift hearse of your childhood hero! Just something to think about for next time.
The Tick vs. Justice
- Directed by Mel Damski . Written by Ben Edlund and Larry Charles .
- Tick: Why is that fella wearing a dress?
- Arthur: Shhh! Because he's the judge.
- Tick: Well, I judge him and find him funny!
- Tick: Could be nothin'; could be the stench of unfathomable evil.
- Tick: Aaaaah... my head feels like-like it's gonna have a baby!
- Arthur: It's called a headache.
- Tick: It has a NAME?!?
- Arthur: Contempt of COURT?!?
- Tick: "Contempt" is a strong word, chum. I certainly didn't like court very much...
The Big Leagues
- Directed by Bo Welch . Written by Lon Diamond .
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